If only I could’ve escaped from it all. All will judge and think that I had my chance. But, what chance can you get when you’re thoughts are blurred and you’re put down? What can you do when you’re so vulnerable that they know it? They use that vulnerability to break you and you believe them. You believe you’ll be a bad mother if you follow your instinct. You start to doubt yourself. You doubt your maternity. This will break you during the fourth trimester; the one nobody cares to teach about. Then it happens. A nightmare. It will never happen to me, you think. It’s already started. They’re breaking…

       It’s a reality that we, as moms, are constantly being judged. This type of judgement has no distinction. It happens whether the mother works from home or has a full time outside of it. Heck, just for being women we are discriminated against. But the worst part about this is when the comments come from another mother, woman. Is almost like: “If I was bullied, then I’ll do it too”. This has to stop. And this is said by a stay at home mom by decision and passionate about breastfeeding. How can I expect change and compassion towards myself as a mom if I don’t practice it myself? I’m not saying…

Did I just grabbed the…? No, that was the wipe. Ok, yes. I have poop in my hand again. And now, I have to cook. Oh God, ew! Why does this always happen to me? So very tragic, I know. Why couldn’t he wait to go when my husband arrived home? Well, because he’s a baby, that’s why. Anybody knowing I felt this way would think that I’m lazy. When in reality, I am just very frustrated and annoyed with dirty hands. On the other hand… “Stop dancing while I’m cleaning you Dariel!”   Before anyone reading this thinks that I’m ‘inexperta’, let me give you some references. I am the…

     As I saw you last Christmas playing alone and begging me to play with you, that’s when it happened. I knew at that moment that giving you a little brother or a sister, would be the best gift I could ever give you. Although your dad says that it happened when I held your prima at your birthday, a couple of weeks before. But something just clicked and then came the mess.      A couple of things checked in my messy head:  If I got pregnant now, I could try for a vaginal birth. I remember the gynecologist said I had to wait two years… Checked! I already had a nursery…

I finally did it. I started erasing the photos of my baby’s birth from my phone. Such a guilty task for a mom. But as I was deleting the ones that were always hard to watch, I definitely felt some sort of release.       A couple of weeks later, I literally started touching my scar. It took me almost two years to feel really confident and comfortable in my own skin. It’s been a long hard process and definitely worth it. I’m ok with being a bit angry. To some extent, it pushes me even more. But I decided not to be ‘the frustrated mommy’ or ‘la mamá frustrada’. That, I’m not ok…

How much has it hurt me to have had this longed for moment the way it was! I just desired to hold you in my arms, get you close to my body, to feel as one again. I needed you as much as you needed me. My instinct was discarded. I wanted to be your mother. I couldn’t give you a hug. I sent to look after you my representative, your dad. He did good. He held you. He knew how and where you were. Grandparents came and held you too. I was left there. My only way of recovering was joining you again. I felt you were hungry. Nobody…

Being a first time mom, setting up a nursery was new territory for me. It took a while until I decided on a theme for décor. And, even though I enjoy organizing, it felt like a guessing game trying to think where things, I had never used, should be.      After some time of searching different ideas, finally I decided. At first, I was kind of torn between safari animals or forest. My husband inclined more towards one and I the other. Sports theme was a no for me. I thought my son could eventually develop an interest in them and the room would be decorated like that later on. Noah’s…

The purpose of the video I have posted on social media (and in a link at the top) was to show it to my son later on. I wanted him to know how many people were anxiously expecting his arrival. I thought seeing all his gifts could make him feel special, loved. Of course, I felt blessed. I never expected so many presents and more came later on. But boy, not pun intended, was I wrong. My baby already knew love, mine.        I have come to understand that as a first time mom, and any mom for that matter, we tend to use external appearances to feel like good mommies.…

Dear baby boy, how happy you’ve made me. Now I never feel alone. I love you’re personality and you’re every move. You’re so strong for a being so small. I already know you. You have the same taste in music as your mommy and daddy. You seem to have many other things in common with us. Oh how I love you boy! I know you don’t like to be touch. It scares you. And if nobody puts a hand on mommy’s belly, all of a sudden you feel you can trust that person or moment and say hello, in your unique way. I know you cried. I heard you that…

Seven days after my Baby Shower, my husband and I attended a prenatal class to humanize birth and breastfeeding.It was a wonderful experience and everyone was extremely nice, especially the teacher. There wasn’t a single negative comment made. Quite the contrary to the rest of my pregnancy where mostly I got toxic things thrown at me… Such a breathe.       I cannot pinpoint the exact moment where I started to feel empowered. Nevertheless, I know the moment I began to gain knowledge about humanized birth and breastfeeding it was the kickoff of something. There were some breathing and birth exercises included, as well as a lot of information about birthing. That last…