Baby fever

Mom, come play again. /Mamá, ven a jugar otra vez.

     As I saw you last Christmas playing alone and begging me to play with you, that’s when it happened. I knew at that moment that giving you a little brother or a sister, would be the best gift I could ever give you. Although your dad says that it happened when I held your prima at your birthday, a couple of weeks before. But something just clicked and then came the mess.

     A couple of things checked in my messy head: 

  1. If I got pregnant now, I could try for a vaginal birth. I remember the gynecologist said I had to wait two years… Checked!
  2. I already had a nursery and every important baby gadget needed… Checked!
  3. I felt like somebody was missing… Checked!
  4. I had a name picked out… Checked!
  5. I knew this time around it was going to be different because I was different… Checked!
  6. I knew you were going to be the best big brother ever because you were the best… Checked!
  7. And just now, you were asking for a little sis (hermanita) to play with…Checked! (🤞🏾Hopefully it’s a girl. 😉)

     In the end, here we are, trying to put everything in place. Everyday we work our ‘traseros’ off: trying to be healthy, trying to be fit, trying to reconstruct so many things. We think of you, my darling ‘bebé’, in everything we do. You are in all decisions. You are our pride and joy, (even in your terrible two’s 😆).  

     I don’t know what will happen tomorrow. I can only control so many things and life is not one of them. I don’t know how you’ll react if a big change happens. It’s out of my hands. I can only trust and keep living. But know this: if something were to happen it was meant to be and… you are my best gift and, for this reason, it’s only natural I want to gift you the best one too.

Photo by Lali Masriera from FreeImages.